Anthem of the Lonely
by NorthernShinigami
Summary: Yumichika thought he had his emotions under control. Apparently he didn't. So when everyone went to sleep that night, Yumichika didn't.
1. Sleepless Thoughts

**Disclaimer****:** Tite Kubo owns Bleach. That awesome guy..

I'll publish here few Yumichika-centered one-shots and pieces that may or not relate to each other. There may be a leitmotif (recurring theme) in few of them so you might be reading the same thing over and over in few episodes which shouldn't be related, with or without proper explanations... _(because I start writing and do the same idea over and over again to try explain it properly)_

Basically they'd be one-shots, but it's up to you whether they're related to each other or not :3 (If they definitely are though, I'll let you know)

* * *

_'A heart made of stone, callous and bone_

_Fracture and tear it out to let it go_

_And to think_

_I called it my own_

_ And I would have never thought the pain could grow'_

_**-** Nine lashes; Anthem of the Lonely_

With Aizen's capture, the Winter War was over within a day.

At the end of said day, after long, tiring day of fights and debates, decisions and sessions late into the night, everyone went to sleep to face a new reality tomorrow. Reality where the Vizards are cleared of all charges they may have or may not have against them, a world were they're welcomed in Soul-Society once again. A world where three of them would return to their previous positions as captains of hundred years back. A world were Kuchiki Rukia would finally be promoted to position of a Lieutenant, a world were Tousen Kaname and Ichimaru Gin are dead, Kurosaki Ichigo has lost his powers, and Aizen Souske isn't to be seen or heard by anyone for few thousands of years.

Some went to sleep feeling slightly tensed, knowing that one of their most dangerous threats is locked up so close to their place. Some went to sleep with a bitter taste in their mouth and crushing despair, some with tears and aching heart, but almost everyone felt even a little bit relieved, because they knew that somewhat one day everything is going to get better in time, so they slept.

Yumichika didn't. Ikkaku, after getting beaten instead of protecting the Pillar like he should have and got rescued by Komamura, spent the day (and the next two) in the Fourth. It was a fascinating experience, according to Ikkaku, because Zaraki-taicho and Kuchiki Byakuya were right the door facing theirs, and their bickering could be heard well across the hall. Both he and Renji who was placed in his room were amused, to put it mildly. So the stuck up all-mighty Kuchiki Byakuya _can _get riled up like anyone else.

After a short update on what happened after he lost consciousness, the two mulled (with slight annoyance and suspicious of Yumichika's smug behavior) over the fact that _he _had returned from battle unscathed, which is weird considering he did lost consciousness but without injuries? _very _wierd.

In return -and much to their embarrassment, Yumichika replied that at least _he _didn't get his ass kicked by the enemy and saved by a Captain even thought_ he doesn't _have a _Bankai_, _unlike them_.

In Renji's defence, he fought an Espada, not a mere Fraction.

Ikkaku snapped and yelled at him to _shut up _and that _it's not his fault that the bastard was as huge and as heavy as a three-story (or more) building_.

Beside that, Yumichika also said that he _did_ receive a wound, major and very painful;

...He got scarred for _life _by the hurried, _extremely _hideous face of his opponent and it is sure to terrorize his dreams for years to come.

What he didn't tell them was that he sustained a wound greater than the memory of fighting Charlotte Coolhorn.

A heartache wound.

Truthly, when Yumichika burst into the patient's room after waking up in the Forth he expected to see Ikkaku all battered and gloomy, sullen for failing his duty to protect the Pillar and, well, losing such an important fight in front of half of the Captains and Lieutenants. I mean, even _he _-Yumichika, _a Fifth-seat_- had won _his _battle!

_As soon as his eyes opened, he saw white. Yumichika bolted upright, crumpling the clean white sheets beneath him. The white he saw was the ceiling of the infirmary of temporary hospitalization for lightly sick people, a wide open hall with tens of beds lined up against the walls on each side. Most of them were empty, aside from few feverish Shinigami with curtains drawn to shield the view on them and a nurse or two with carts. _

_"Yo."_

_Yumichika turned to see Tetsuzaemon grinning at him, sitting on the bed next to his, dropped on the matters with barefoot legs pulled up. "I guess we're the ones who got off easily the most, eh?" He said behind his shades. "Well, us and Omaeda, that coward. The Forth's guys checked you but it seemed like you're not injured so we decided to just let you sleep till ya wake up. Most of Captains are all in surgery or treatment right now, as well as Hinamori and Matsumoto. Believe it or not but Zaraki-taicho sustained some major injuries, I heard he fought the Zero Espada together with Kuchika-taicho. You have to see these chunks Kurotsuchi is still bringing from Hueco Mundo -I tell ya, this guy is __**Huge, **__even bigger than Komamura-taicho's Bankai! And that Inoue girl is really amazing! She healed Soifon-taichou's severed arm in no time- wait, where are you going?" Yumichika ignored Iba and jumped to his feet without sparing him a glance, hurriedly walking outside the infirmary._

_He followed Ikkaku's spiritual signature. He searched for it immediately as he woke up, and it was there. slightly weaker than it should be, but there, along with Zaraki-taicho's, Kuchiki Byakuya, and Renji. And it was close._

He just woke up after getting forcefully knocked out from trying to help his friend, a friend he didn't even get to reach. He lost consciousness while feeling Ikkaku's Reiatsu vanish and fearing he'd lost and gotten himself killed. He woke up, about an hour later, to find himself back in Soul Society after it's all over, not knowing if they won, if they've lost, who survived and who didn't. He didn't care about anything, except finding Ikkaku. _I__f _he was still alive, that is.

Perhaps it's good thing Kira and Hisagi stopped him; Ikkaku's no doubt would have gotten mad if Yumichika came to help him in battle. But the fact remains that if Ikkaku would have gotten killed, Yumichika _wouldn't have been able to be there_. He wouldn't have even been able to feel it, because _fucking Kira had knocked him out_.

He won't forgive Kira for this. _Ever_.

Anyhow, battered Ikkaku was. Gloomy... not so much. Much to Yumichika's surprise, he seemed fine. Acted like normal, except the slight irritation of not being allowed to leave hospital.

Ikkaku told them about what happened in _his _battle. He told them that Iba and Komamura-taicho saved him, and he told them what Iba said to him.

"_Do you?" Ranji asked, staring at the bald intently. "Think you're replaceable? 'Cause you're not! At least I don't think anyone can replace you! I'm sure Yumichika-san think so, too-"_

_"I don't know," Yumichika joked idly, stretching the words as he shrugged and leaned against the door frame with crossed arms. "There are many _other _sweaty, sticky, vulgar men on the squad..."_

_"I'm serious!" _

Yumichika excused himself after that, claiming he needs to get changed to a clean uniform and check on Zaraki-taciho and return to see how's the Division handling, seeing how he's the only one available to run it at the moment, with everyone in the Forth and a lieutenant that no doubt will want to stay with her Captain to keep him out of boredom.

The Fifth-seat failed to see (or perhaps choose to ignore) that Renji eyed his back as he left through the door.

_Renji watched him leaving the room._

_It was Yumichika-san, not Renji. Ikkaku-san told _him_, not _them_. No doubt Ikkaku-san spoke up because Yumichika-san was there. He didn't care about Renji. If Renji didn't knew about his Bankai he would have said nothing. _

The violet-eyed left the two to discuss whatever they thought they needed to discuss. Anyhow, Ikkaku probably had some thinking to do.

Yumichika was always very good at hiding his emotions.

When Kira and Hisagi caught up to Ikkaku and Komamura, Yumichika has had been unconscious. Naturally Ikkaku assumed it happened during his fight, and if he won, then after his fight. It was not uncommon; Ikkaku occasionally tended to faint after near-death battles, leaving Yumichika to care for his body.

Not Kira nor Hisagi felt the need to tell them they had to knock him out with anesthetics. It just didn't seem important or significant at the time.

That night, Yumichika lay on his futon, violet eyes gazing up at the ceiling with empty look, multiple thoughts swirled uncontrollably around his head.

Ikkaku, Hisagi, Kira, Eleventh division, Zaraki-taicho, Charlotte Coolhorn, White Roses, his Zanpakuto, Ikkaku's loss, Tetsu-san's words, Ikkaku's Bankai, Asano Keigo's words, lies, truths, life, death, despair, his Shikai, his outburst earlier, _Kira_, waking up, fear, and how _well _he though he had his emotions under control.

Apparently he didn't.

When everyone fell asleep, quickly or slowly, relaxed or still excited, happy or crying, Yumichika didn't.


	2. Of Denial

**Characters:** Iba, Renji, mentions of Yumichika, Ikkaku, Zaraki, and some random squad members.

* * *

"Is it true, Abarai? that Madarame unleashed his Bankai in public this morning?"

"Yeah." Renji said, taking his Sake jar. "It was a real shock to me, with Ikkaku-san saying he wanted to keep it a secret so he could stay in the Squad and all..."

"So that was the reason? I though he was just being dumb and stubborn" Tetsuzaemon snored. "No- scratch that. He's _still _dumb and stubborn. What does him having Bankai have to do with leaving squad Eleven? _You _have a Bankai, but no one's asking to promote you, no?"

Renji wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing. "Just Because I don't have enough experience to become a captain yet!" He snapped with slight irritation. "But Ikkaku-san has been here longer than me, he's skilled in both combat and strategy and he's got more than enough experience as a Shinigami and a Leader. He'll make a great Captain. All he needs is the official recommendations and he'll be promoted in no time."

"But he doesn't want promotions if it mean leaving the squad."

"Yeah."

They set in silence for several minutes. Ikkaku didn't even want to be considered the position, so he kept his Bankai a secret from everyone, his captain included. He even went as far as to hold it back during his battle over the Pillar in karakura-Replica.

"So what happened?"

Considering all they just said and thought, For Ikkaku to release his Bankai in front of thirty members of his squad was a _huge _deal.

"They say there was an Arrancar in the nest in Kusajiishi, a Captain's-level one. As strong as an Espada, at least." Renji handed the jar to Iba.

Iba took it, musing. "I did him a small lecture about a year and a few months back." he snorted. "After that idiot held back his Bankai and let the Pillar get destroyed. I guess he decided to act up on my advice after all."

But Renji looked uncertain.

"What's wrong?"

"Actually, I heard something from the squad members." the red-haired murmured, holding the cup before him. "Ikkaku-san was totally thrashed; he was injured and bruised and almost every bone in his body was broken. He'd lost way too much blood and basically he was so screwed that he couldn't even lift himself, let along get his Zanpakuto off the ground."

Tetsuzaemon blinked behind his shades, mouth set in a deep scowl. "...What happened?" he asked again, more seriously. Getting your ass kicked so bad you aren't even able to lift your sword - was a_ deadly serious _condition, especially to someone like _Ikkaku_. Something big must have happened to get his boost back up. Something _really _big.

"I heard that, apparently, after that Arrancar thought he was done with Ikkaku-san -you know, before he realised his Banaki- It moved toward another Shinigami. Toward Yumichika-san."

That... wasn't the first explanation Tetsuzaemon expected. At all.

"Are you serious?"

"That's what I heard the men reporting to Zaraki-taicho. I dont' think the guys realized what happened- in their report they assumed the Arrancar went after fighters according to their strength -strongest first, weakest last. It's probably true, but I think Zaraki-taicho _did _realize..."

They set in silence, watching the sun setting over the horizon.

"Well," Tetsuzaemon said after a while, putting the jar in mouth. "It's about time." he snored lightly, shifting his shaded eyes to look up at the sunset pink-shaded sky. He handed the bottle back to the Sixth's lieutenant.

"He'll never admit it, though" Renji received it, sparing the bottle a glance and turned it upside down.

"...We're out of Sake."

"Crap!"

* * *

**Note:** If it comes down to this, I truly think Ikkaku will do it, despite his policy of not helping out. Well, at least in this scenario (And I'm writing something more... action-detailed to this scenario. Different background, but same idea).


	3. What Lies Beneath

**Summary:** Hisagi makes an intervention.

**Song:** Breaking Benjamin - What Lies Beneath

* * *

_Take a breath_

_Hold it in_

_Start a fight_

_You won't win_

_Had enough_

_Let's begin_

_Nevermind_

_I don't care..._

. . .

Later on, Yumichika decided that he should have ripped the note. Use it for Sword practice and make confetti for the Fukutaichou to play with.

Use it as burning supply. Let Komamura-taicho have it. Anything than read that odd and cursed invitation that put him in this mess. Odd, and odd it was.

Why would Hisagi ask him out to lunch? The note said he was invited to lunch in one of the best Tea-houses in Seireitei, by non other than Hisagi himself. The letter said that Hisagi needed his consultancy on some privet matter.

Odd, but understandable. After all someone as beautiful and chic as Yumichika could always have useful tips for these needy and underprivileged and less gifted than him. It's only natural people will turn to him for advice.

Lies. All lies. Hisagi didn't need an advice nor a tip. He did ask a question, in a way; though it was more of a demand, but the question was there between the lines. And if you asked the Fifth-seat, it was more of an _Issue _to him.

"Meguruma-taicho isn't going to stay in the Gotei Thirteen for long." Said Hisagi after the waitress brough them their tea. "He said that once I'll be able to have a decent control over my Bankai I could take over the Nineth division. Said he's only here to help me train become a better captain."

"Really?" Yumichika blinked, slightly puzzled by the news, but not much. "Well, you did run the division by yourself after Tosen left, and I heard you did quite well so the news should come naturally to you. I guess a congratulation is in order."

"Thanks." Hisagi sighed. "But you're right. Honestly, I don't think it's going to be that much of a difference. And the squad members expected something like this for a while, so it's all settled already."

"How long untill you'll be appointed then?"

"Ah, well, actually Meguruma-taicho thinks there's no point in postponing it anymore but I convinced him to wait few more months. It wasn't too difficult, considering I still need some training."

"So? you can train while wearing the Captain's Haori."

"But it just feels so... wierd, you know? I mean,Captains are on a whole different level, I just don't feel _that_ strong -for example, can you honestly say that I could beat Captain Kuchiki? Abarai still can't, and he had _his_ Bankai longer than I have mine."

"Yes, but Renji isn't going to be a Captain in the near future." Yumichika stated knowingly and sipped his tea with shut eyes. "It's also about mentality, not just strength. Unless you're Zaraki-taichou, but _that man _is one of a kind."

"You're the first one I'm telling this to. Even my squad members don't know it yet, officially, I mean. Much less Abarai or Kira. Only me, Meguruma-taicho, Commender Kyoraku and now, you."

The Fifth-seat looked at him oddly. "I'm... flattered?"

"Meguruma-taicho also suggested I start searching for a Lieutenant."

"I hope you're not thinking of anyone from my squad." He snorted jokingly with a light laughter.

"Actually I am."

And it was at that moment when Hisagi finished his next three-worded sentence that Yumichika greatly regretted answering the call and not burning the goddamn invitation to ashes.

How foolish he was for coming.

"Be my Lieutenant"

Violet eyes snapped open. _Sword target_._ Confetti. Burn_. _Why did he had to come?_

Hisagi wasn't laughing, wasn't even smiling. He's face set in intensely earnest expression, fingers clutched into fists tightly laying on the mahogany table.

"You're serious" Yumichika deadpanned. The brunet tried to keep collected exposure but he could feel the future-appointed Captain was nervous._ Because he knows he's walking on thin ice. _Is he that afraid of rejection? Even though he should have expected that. His tensity shaded Yumichika so thickly that for a moment Yumichika was tempted to give a positive reply and put the poor lieutenant out of his misery, but that moment was gone as fast as it came; there was no way he could consent to that. Hisagi opened his mouth-

"I decline" The Fifth-seat adamantly declined, rising up from his seat. "Thank you for the tea. I'll be heading back to my division now. I have work left to do-"

"Sit down, Ayasegawa. You didn't let me finish."

"There's nothing to finish. You asked me and I refused-"

"Sit down." Shuuhei eyed him warningly. "Don't make me pull a rank on you."

The Fifth-seat looked at him slightly annoyed but set back down with an angry murmur. "_That's exactly what you're doing now"_

Hisagi ignored him. "Why?" he demanded. "I heard you have the Fifth-seat position even though you should be Forth, in reality you're more than qualified to be a a Third-seat, and you could easily pass the Lieutenant's qualification test. Even _without_ that ability of your Zanpakuto, everyone think that-"

"_Everyone _doesn't know about _that_ ability of my Zanpakuto." Yumichika snapped. "I asked you to keep that a secret so I could stay in the Eleventh Division. If I take you up on your offer that's not going to happen. They'll shun me if they knew, I told you that already. And I won't let that happen. I have no intention of leaving the Squad."

"What do you think will happen if you stay there for the rest of your life? You'll keep fighting like you are while Captain Zaraki and Madarame only get stronger as time goes, untill one day all your luck will run out and you'll have to face an opponent you won't be able to win in squad Eleventh usual measures. You'll either have to reveal that Shikai of yours or suffer despair by fighting an opponent knowing you _can't_ win against."

"I know, I have realized that the moment I made my resolution."

"Really?" Shuuhei barked sharply. "Because to me it seems dumb, what you are doing. Look, Ayasegawa," the Tattooed brunet sighed in melancholy, eyes dropping in mental ache, remembering his own sword. "I know what's it like to... refuse to exploit your Zanpakuto's full potential. I always hated my Zanpakuto's name; Kazeshini. I'm afraid of it, actually. you see -It's a Death sword. Even the Shikai looks like a scythe for reaping life, and the spirit, befitting the name, likes to kill. Kira has a theory that Kazeshini is supposedly a manifestation of my darker self -of my stress and anger or something and.." Hisagi took a long breath, rubbing his nape awkwardly. "Well, I was quite the coward when I first joined the Gotei Thirteen. I had a tendency to freeze when I faced a Hollow. I couldn't fight."

"This is different. You you say _fear_ your _sword_? In Squad Eleven you _relish _it-"

"I'm not asking about squad _Eleven_;" Shuuhei cut him bluntly. "I'm asking about _yourself_."

"I'm not afraid of my Zanpakuto." He said dryly. "I'm just afraid of everyone's reactions. I'll be banished. You too didn't receive my Release all too well yourself, _remember?_"

"No, I didn't receive it well." Hisagi admitted thickly. "And I think it's a nasty ability. But when I fight I fight in mind that my opponent will use whatever means he can pull off to win. My job is to fend off and respond to the enemy's moves, and beat them at any cost. And that's exactly what you did." He raised dark, soft eyes to the meet Yumichika's. "You did nothing wrong-"

"Goodbye." The Fifth-seat got up to his feet again -with his mug still in hand- and was about to whirl around, if not for the Lieutenant reaching across the table to grab his wrist, dark-brown eyes burning into his.

"You'll die."

Yumichika met his gaze, and couldn't bear it. He lowered his head, taking in a shaky breath. "I know."

"Even though you can easily-"

"_I know!_" Yumichika snapped, and pulled his wrist back, clapping his mug against the table but not letting go. "You think I don't _know_ that?" He hissed venomously, desperately. Shuuhei noticed his fingers digging into the side of his Hakama. "You think I don't know that I can win _every single battle_ in _one go_ but instead I need to stay put and wait for the enemy to-" He balked at his own slip, biting his lip. His gaze met Hisagi's and he immediately averted his eyes away, refusing to look in the brunet's eyes.

"Wait for the enemy to kill you." Hisagi said slowly, stressing every word. Brown eyes still pierced his in intense gaze. "If it's really your own choice, at least finish your own words properly."

"This conversation is over. _Goodbye_." Yumichika bit harshly and straightened up. Shuuhei didn't attempt to stop him this time.

"It's pretty inconvenient for you, is it?" The man suddenly said as the purple-haired walked away from him. "That I know about your secret. I imagine I'm the only one who knows? It could get very awkward if someone from Squad Eleven finds out about it."

Yumichika stopped, slowly turning around, and regarded him blankly from above, eyes gleaming with dangerous, haughty spark in them.

"Are you _threatening _me?"

"If I have no other choice, then yes, that is _exactly _what I'm doing."

The answer caught him by surprise and shocked Yumichika gazed down at the Lieutenant wide-eyed. Hisagi returned him a persistent glare.

The Fifth-seat moved quicker than his brain could comprehend his own actions; In the blink of an eye he crouched on the edge of the table on one knee, second foot stamped beside the cup, sword gripped tighly in hands with the violet-colored hilt next to his left cheek and the tip of his blade pointed at the Ninth-Lieutenant's throat from above.

A young couple two tables behind Yumichika looked at their direction; the woman gasped in fright and three nameless men in Shinigami uniforms got up on their feet, alerted. The restaurant wasn't too crowded but if anyone of the costumers didn't notice them earlier, now all eyes were on them.

"I didn't realize a man of your standards would deteriorate to such despicable means." Yumichika's hissed in venom-dripping voice, extremely vexed. He wasn't smirking.

Yumichika's Zanpakuto wasn't a subject you could approach carelessly, and after seeing his capabilities on that roof few years ago Hisagi _ought to know that_.

And Shuuhei did, But _enough_.

He tried the nice approach, the subtle approach. The Good Cop failed.

Shuuhei looked him right in the eyes. Something the voilet-eyed has tried to avoid all lunch.

_Enough games._

"Says the man who constantly lies to his peers."

He shouldn't have said that.

The explosion could be heard miles away in Seireitei.

Twenty minutes later, standing between the ruins and shreds of what was once the Restaurant's wall, Shuuhei decided that he might have _overdone it a bit_.

"Please come with us, Lieutenant." Two men of the Seireitei's inner Police corps stood on each side of him. They grasped his arms and led him away, following the men holding Ayasegawa. Yumichika wasn't going to try escape from the Onmitsokido, but he didn't calm down either. His face set in a deep scowl and Hisagi could feel his rage boiling inside him.

_...Or a lot._

. . .

_All in all,_

_You're no good_

_You don't cry_

_Like you should..._

* * *

I've debated if I should publish it separately. Maybe I should. I edited and fixed few grammars mistakes here.

Expect a sequel. And Thanks for the awesome reviewers :D


	4. Stand the Lonely

**Summary:** A Mission went wrong.

**Reminder:** Every chapter is a separate story until I say a story is related to another chapter.

**Note:** The Song _Anthem of the Lonely_ (story title) first and originally inspired _This_ piece here. Sadly enough, I've abused most of the cool lyrics for other stories that fit them better..

* * *

_Even if you take me on_

_I'll stand the lonely_

_Stand the lonely_

. . .

What started as an ordinary Hollow-eradication mission in North Kusajishi turned into one-sided massacre with about twenty to twenty-five Shinigami individual's body parts and organs scattered in bloody mess all over the thick dry woods. One of these was the Eleventh division's Fifth-seat's right arm.

Yumichika's sword arm. The thing that attacked them was quick. So quick only their Fifth-seat managed to catch a glimpse at him, after concentrating hard to get locked on it.

His blood flooded in pools around him and soaked the arid land. How so many trees managed to grow in such density next to each other in such dry soil the Fifth-seat may never know, but the long branches were all dead and weathered anyway.

All this blood splattered everywhere -not just his, but his squad member's too- was enough to water tens of these trees for weeks.

Yumichika always wondered what would Ikkaku do if he ever saw _him _die in battle.

Revenge would be in order, obviously. Ikkaku will take on the opponent who brought Yumichika down and the bastard won't last five minutes.

But is that all?

No. Yumichika mused about the emotional, _mental _impact. He assumed Ikkaku never gave a second thought about it. Yumichika did, a _lot_; He came to every battle in consideration that it might be Ikkaku's last sword fight, with a communicator ready to call on funeral preparations (truly, he never actually gave a proper thought about it. He always knew what it meant, but it wasn't until Asano Keigo voiced it _out loud _that Ikkaku might actually _die_, when the full realization of the meaning hit him. It was from that point onwards that Yumichika's confidence in his emotional preparedness begun to waver).

But Ikkaku probably never even took into account that Yumichika may be the one to go down first one of these days. Yumichika thought, that perhaps Ikkaku assumed this not because he deemed Yumichika strong, but because it was Ikkaku who always stole the stronger opponents, whether it's a Hollow or an Arrancar or whatever.

Ikkaku was the one who loved fighting from the bottom of his heart, and what Yumichika loved was to see him happy. So Yumichika always took the small fry and left the big fish to Ikkaku to deal with.

They were always together, not supporting, but merely watching each other fight, waiting for one to come to the other after each battle, alive.

For Yumichika, Ikkaku was there to see him alive after fights.

Knowing Ikkaku, he probably wouldn't notice that Yumichika was _always _there with him during _and_ after battles untill the Fifth-seat's actually _gone_.

And _That's _what drove him to try get up on his feet. _That's _what drove him to keep his eyes open and not let his consciousness slip. Ikkaku never cared if someone watched him. He never cared if someone stood on the side as he fought to his death, and waited for him to return.

(Sometimes, Yumichika wished he could be more like Ikkaku on that aspect.)

For Yumichika, It didn't matter to Ikkaku if he was there, as long as he doesn't _interfere_.

The thought made Yumichika extremely sorrowful, woeful, and irate.

But It was mostly the despair that affected him; Despair of dying in this forest like this, alone, without Ikkaku knowing, because at this rate no one will be left to tell what happened. Dying like a useless rug, without completing the mission, without even getting a chance for a proper fight..

A useless death, and Ikkaku wouldn't know. Or maybe he will know, and then what, exactly? Yumichika's will still be dead.

It was an Arrancar with dark cloak draped over him. An Espade even, if you believe his bizarre tattoo and self-introduction. But the mission report said nothing about an Arrancar, just that there's a Hollow nest suddenly discovered in Kusajishi. _'An Espada was far beyond a Fifth-seat's ability to handle'_ -people will say. They surely would have sent a captain, but he realized that perhaps they didn't know. Perhaps the Espada found a way to hide his presence completely?

It didn't matter. They were on a mission, and they are Squad Eleven. You don't go down easily in squad Eleven.

-Except the Espada got them before they even knew he was there. Limbs, blood and weapons flying, bodies dropping one after another like flies and they didn't have the chance to react.

And when Yumichika did, he was down the moment he drew his sword. Now it laid on the ground, shuttered to pieces.

The party set out not long after lunch, and now the sky was dark. Black dark, wide and starless.

Despair it was. Despair, and _anger_. And the fury flared in him in flames he used to force himself up.

There is no honor dying in a battle like this.

He was _not _going to die here. Not alone. At the very least, not before he destroys that damned Arracnar.

_At the very least, not before Ikkaku acknowledges him. Proparly._

* * *

**You know the Espada.**


	5. Measuring

**Summary:** Haori-fitting.

* * *

"Ha! I knew that Haori would be perfect on you! congratulations on your future promotion, _Captain _Hisagi."

"Thank you, Meguruma-taicho. But you really don't have to step down to let me have the job, I would gladly-"

"Shut up, Shuuhei. I told you already you're perfect for the role -and I told you to stop calling me Captain when you wear that Haori! Call me Kensei, Kensei!"

"But I'm just _measuring_ it-"

"What's that?!"

"I-I mean, yes, Megur-"

"_What?"_

"-K-Kensei-"

"Good!"

"Umm, Megu -I mean, Kensei. About Kuna.."

"Ah. You don't have to keep her. She took the role of the second Lieutenant just to annoy the shit out of me. She said she's going back to the Living World with me. I told her to at least wait untill you get your own Lieutenant."

Long sigh. "Oh god, thank you _so much_-"_ having to work beside Kuna was sometimes a very tiresome and vexing experience_.

"Stop thanking me so much! It's annoying. So, did you thought of anyone already? Personally, I don't think our Third-Seat is anywhere near ready for lieutenancy."

"I... eh..."

"Yeah?"

"I have someone in mind but... he might refuse the position. In fact, I'm completely sure he will refuse it."

"Well, if he doesn't want it you'd better think of someone else. What kind of man would refuse a promotion anyway?"

"I can't."

"What?"

"Think of someone else. I can't. That guy's perfect for the position. If not for his obstinacy to stay in his current Squad he could have been promoted a long time ago." sigh "You better tell Kuna to stop waiting untill I get a new one because It could take a while. I'm, uh, kind of fixated on this guy so.."

Snort. "...It's your funeral. Good luck dealing with her by yourself."

"Actually I think I could manage _without_ a Lieutenant for a while.."


	6. You're No Good

**Summary:** Continuation to What Lies Beneath

**Previous connected chapter**: What Lies Beneath

**Song:** Breaking Benjamin - What Lies Beneath

* * *

Here We go

Does it hurt

Say goodbye

To this world

I will not

Be undone

Come to life

It get's worse

. . .

_"How much?"_

_"What?"_

_"Untill your promotion. How much time do I have?"_

_"Three months._

_You have three months._

_Good luck."_

_. ._

"You know the Division rules?"

"I do."

"So you're aware of the squad's regulations about Kido and Zanpakuto."

"I am."

Zaraki didn't get excited questioning him. He didn't show anger, didn't show malice, didn't show anything except being deadly serious.

But Yumichika could see it. The understanding of his Captain's Fifth-seat's nature, his so-called _true colors_; the realization of Yumichika's abilities, the answer to the mystery of him returning unscathed from battles, specifically when he fought alone with no witnesses. In Kenpachi's eyes he saw it; the repulsion, the revulsion, the distaste of discovering Yumichika lied to them all these years...

And if that's how the Captain really felt, then he made great work at hiding it, because he didn't burst or scorn Yumichika in public. He didn't call him a liar and a coward, didn't snarl at him for being a weakling. Didn't chastise him for possessing a Kido-based, Healing Zanpakuto.

That part about the healing of Rurri'iro Kujaku's abilities Yumichika told him himself. The secret was out aleardy - It'll be discovered one way or another, no point in postponing the revelation.

Captain Zaraki simply questioned him in seemingly deadpanned, slightly irritated tone. So Yumichika too, kept his cool and calm demeanor, eyes cast ahead and replied every inquiry straight and to the point. No pleas, no requests, no explanations and _no _excuses and _nothing_. Captain asks, Officer replies, nothing more, nothing less.

Yumichika realized that the Captain didn't want this to turn into a boycott and denunciation from the Squad with humiliation and degradation. It's not like he did this on purpose, truthfully speaking he couldn't care less about some weaklings leaving his squad. It's just how the squadsmen were, their natural behavior. So he tried to do this as short and painless as possible.

The Captain's unusual serious behavior resulted in thick, tense aura, that succeed in keeping the members deathly and uncharacteristically quiet in such situation. No one dared making a sound.

What Yumichika didn't know was if the Captain did this to make things easier on _him_, on _Ikkaku_,or because Kusajishi-Fukutaicho might have requested it.

But thing is, all this repulsion and disgust and wrath Zaraki might be suppressing -whether from the discovery of the Fifth-seat's Kido Zanpakuto or simply the fact that he deceived them all- all these things _Ikkaku _should be the one feeling, not the Captain. Ikkaku was the reason Yumichika did this, not Kenpachi. Ikkaku was reason he lied, Ikkaku was the reason he hid the truth about his Zanpakuto. Ikkaku was the reason he suppressed his own abilities, even in the price of dying.

Ikkaku didn't even _look _at him. He kept his gaze straight ahead, passing over his head. Of course, Yumichika expected this much; when Ikkaku was angry, he was _angry_.

But he didn't show it. Not in a way Yumichika could tell, at least. He expected the hurtful glares, the disgusted glares, The betrayed glares, even the hateful glares. But he also expected yelling, scorning, rage, spitting, _anything_... but nothing of it came. Not when his Zanpakuto was first shown off in the middle of the fight and not now. He couldn't even see the disapproval and aversion he expected. Not hate, not disgust, _nothing_. And when their eyes did meet, Ikkaku was just... indifferent. Cold and indifferent. Like he didn't know him or just didn't care.

If Zaraki hid his feelings well, then Ikkaku did a_ master's art _at it.

Yumichika was receiving the silent treatment: Ikkaku's treatment to _every _other Shinigami or man who had issues -either bad or good- with him, but didn't dare to approach him, didn't dare to talk to him. Like how it was with Harugasaki Seizo, that sacrificed himself to save Ikkaku and ended up losing his Reiryoku in result, and his future as a Shinigami. He wouldn't dare speak to his Third-seat after that, much less look at him, and Ikkaku did nothing about it. Ikkaku's logic was simple: If Seizo wasn't going to start a converssation, then Ikkaku didn't have a reason to talk back to him. He didn't even thanked him because in the end, it was Seizo's own choice jumping in to save him -Ikkaku himself didn't ask for it. In Ikkaku's point of view, your issues are something you need to settle on your own -it's not _his _problem to interfere. Why should he get an unnecessary headache?

That's why he didn't say anything to Yumichika, didn't yell, didn't ask anything, didn't demand some sort of an explanation, excuse or anything else because Yumichika still haven't approached _him_ properly.

Ikkaku was treating him like with _everyone else_, and it _killed _him. You'd expect a guy who you dedicated most of your afterlife to to show that he cared even a bit!

"Get your things and get out."

Yumichika first thought of not bowing before leaving. Of turning around and walking away with head lifted in pride, keeping the last shreds of his dignity, never mind Captain or not, there's no need showing respect for someone who obviously didn't show respect to you. But then he thought that at least he should thank the Captain from preventing the usual squad's condemnation ceremony. Then he remembered Ikkaku was there, and that it would seem like the man didn't plan to give a _fuck_ about him.

Gratitude was quickly forsaken. It didn't matter what his bow of respect supposed to mean, it would still be interpreted as a gesture of weakness from the prideful Fifth-seat (or rather, Ex Fifth-seat) by the rest of the division members in the assembly hall. Besides, Kenpachi's was probably the last person on Earth and Heaven who gave a damn about something like _gratitude_.

So he turned away and just like he first planned, walked toward the exit with raised chin.

Yes, Zaraki tried to do this as painless and short as possible.

But despite the majority's silence, he couldn't prevent the spiteful, abhorring glances the rest of the squad was casting him as he passed them. Then the whispers begun.

"Che. I always knew there was something fishy about this guy.."

"He never really fitted in, did he. He's so different from us-"

"Doesn't look like a fighter much. More like one of these weaklings who depend on Kido for wining-"

"But isn't it wierd? I mean -he was always with Madarame-sanseki since we got here and now he leaves-"

"Look at his face, does he even care that he's banished?"

"Doesn't _look_ like he cares from where I stand-"

"Guess he didn't belong here after all."

"Maybe he didn't really like fighting? It would make sence why he stuck to Third-seat Madarame like glue-"

"I bet he let Madarame get all the strong opponents so we won't figure out what a weakling he was-"

It was cruel, and yet Ikkaku said nothing. If he watched him leave Yumichika didn't know. But what was more cruel was that the division-member's harsh chastising words turned out to be actually very salutary.

Up untill know, Yumichika was able to keep his calm not just to keep his pride intact, but because he actually felt really depressed. The kind that becomes tired and loses the will to fight. But hearing the men's words ignited a fire of dormant fury inside him.

For a moment he considered stoping and without even sparing a glance toward who were his coworkers just seconds ago, dropping all his Reiatsu -all of it, without holding back -he had no reason to hold back, now- on the men, let them fell to the floor on their knees just to show them that on contrary to their belief he was still one of the strongest guys on the squad _-was_ one of the strongest of the squad- and could still crush them without breaking a sweat.

Than he remembered that he was no longer a part of this division; he didn't _have _to prove anything, not to _them_.

So instead he kept walking, not to his barracks, but out the squad grounds completely. He harnessed the irritation and with great courage turned it into determination, a resolve to keep going with head raised high and deadpan yet determined look on his face

He removed his fake eye-lashes , the ear accessories and the appendages under and on his uniform, leaving a completely standard Shinigami Shihakusho. He threw them away in a trash bin along the way.

Captain Zaraki and Lieutenant kusajishi must have left the gathering hall just a minute ago. They had a joint meeting to attend, of the introduction of the newly appointed division Nine Captain.

And so did he. And Yumichika would rather choke himself than show up with a pitiful, downcast expression.

. . .

_All in all, You're no good _

_You don't cry _

_Like you should.._

_I'll be gone _

_When you fall _

_Your sad life _

_Says it all_

* * *

**Thank's for the awesome reviews again**! I like reading them, All of them! ...Expect a Sequal\Third Part :D

**P.s:** gaap237: The only problem with that idea is... that_ I_, _too_, have wondered what Ikkaku's reaction will be upon finding out. I can't think of anything without turning this into Romance! (panics)


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